Couples, are you searching for ways to stop being so busy in order to be present in your marriage? If so, read on.
Today, it feels like we are busier than ever, and not just with things to do, but also with our mental space. You might be busy trying to figure out your future, how to juggle those bills, and simply finding ways to manage the family overall. All that busyness and mental fatigue can easily take your attention away from your spouse and your marriage. If this is what’s happening in your relationship it’s time to refocus your attention on your marriage.
Benefits of Being Present in Your Marriage
There are quite a few benefits that come from putting your attention on your marriage. Taking good care of anything brings a sense of pride and takes care of a few of your basic human needs. Having a sense of control and achievement in one primary area of life will give couples a sense of ownership and power. It seems as though there is so much in our life we feel powerless over, but being all in is something you both can do. To be present in your marriage also brings another benefit, a sense of stress relief. You won’t have much time to focus on the negative if you are fully focused on the positives of your marriage. Even if your marriage isn’t there yet, envisioning what it could be can bring about a sense of peace. A good marriage and a loving spouse can be the calm you need when all the world is going crazy around you. Your marriage should serve as your safe haven, and it can if you slow down and give it some TLC and your full attention.
In addition to caring for your marriage, it is also necessary to make your spouse your primary focus. Of course, there are other things that take your time and energy, but carve out time that is specifically devoted to your spouse. Everyone needs to feel like they are the most important person to someone else in this world, and it should absolutely feel that way with your spouse.
How to Stop Being So Busy
All that was mentioned above sounds good in theory, but you might be wondering how to actually stop being so busy. First, slow down. It might feel like you have to keep going no matter what, and there isn’t time to slow down, but there is always time. Remember, if you don’t slow down you won’t be any good to anyone else. So, slow down, sit down, and stop what you’re doing. Take a deep breath and pause for just a moment. While you are pausing, grab a pen and paper and make a list of all that you are responsible for that’s eating your time and pulling your attention away from your marriage. As you go through the list, see what’s on the list that doesn’t need to be; that thing that doesn’t serve you well. Think about why you might be giving it so much energ,y and think about the actions you need to take to remove it from your list. Also, look at the things on the list to see where you can delegate. Are there household chores that can be assigned to the kids? Or are there things you can hire someone else to do for you? Keep in mind that you don’t have to wear yourself out trying to be the superhero of your life. The time you save in these areas will allow you an opportunity to spend more time with your spouse and be present in your marriage.
How to be Present in Your Marriage
Now that you have identified what has been keeping you away from your marriage and developed a strategy to eliminate some of it, let’s discuss how to actually be present in your marriage.
First, show up to your marriage in the same way you show up to other important things in your life. Think about it as though it were a special event you are scheduled to attend; only that this will be every single day. When you’re getting ready for an event, you schedule the time needed to prepare; which includes putting it in your calendar and even setting an alert so you won’t forget. It also involves picking the perfect outfit and being mindful of your grooming, so that you look your absolute best because you care how you show up to others. These same rituals that are used to prepare for an event can also be applied to how you prepare and show up for your marriage. Devote time to your marriage. Put on your calendar date nights, for example, and honor those times. Don’t overbook or think it is okay to cancel that time if something else comes up. You should work around date night and not the other way around. Make date nights and time with your spouse part of your routine.
Next, pay attention to how you show up to your spouse. Of course, care about the outward appearance, but more importantly, care about that inner you and how that might be showing up to your partner and make sure your spouse is receiving the best of you. This might mean putting your phone down and ignoring other distractions. Always be an attentive listener when your spouse is communicating with you. Be fully present and engage in the conversation. Make your spouse feel as though they are the only person in the room. Be concerned about their goals and be there for them in the small ways as well as the big ones.
Finally, be aware of what your spouse may need by paying attention to how they show up. Of course, you are fully responsible for half of the relationship, but keep an eye on your spouse. Take note of what they may be feeling or what they might be telling you through their actions and not necessarily their words. Let your spouse know that you are attentive to their needs. You can do this by asking them questions and checking in on them frequently.
In order to be present in your marriage, you first have to make a commitment to do so. Vow to refocus on your marriage, make your spouse a priority, and take an inventory of your life to ensure your marriage is always at the top of your to-do list.
