The S Word: Removing the Stigma of Submission

The word submission has been a triggering word for women for generations. It provokes concern, fear, and even anger when a man says or suggests that a woman should be in submission to him. It’s an understandable concern, because not all men make a safe space for submission. We know that some men are only concerned with their own self-interest, and others are controlling or even abusive. But for the men who have no ill intent, their desire for submission is nothing to be afraid of. Submission is not imprisonment. It has a much deeper meaning and purpose than simply letting a man have his way. And it isn’t designed to make you lose your voice or power. In fact, through submission, you do not lose these things at all. Submission is a choice. Knowing that you are allowing your husband to lead the way because you want him to, is a totally different dynamic than submitting out of fear, or because you don’t have an option.
Whether or not you subscribe to feminism, it’s likely that you believe in some form of gender equality. Most women do. And the concept of gender equality doesn’t leave very much space for the concept of submission because the two conflict. If we are equal, then why does one of us have to submit to the other? Why can’t we both have equal power or equally submit? Why is someone leading and the other submitting if we’re both equal? These are all good and reasonable questions. No woman wants to be in a relationship where there is an extreme imbalance of power, and the idea of the woman submitting while the man is not, seems like an imbalance of power and a form of gender inequality. But there are two things you must understand: inequality doesn’t mean inferiority. Just because two people are unequal doesn’t mean one of the two is inferior to the other. Secondly, two people can be equal in certain departments and unequal in others. Men and women are both human, made in the image of God, and neither are inferior. But men are more capable in some areas than women are, and women are more capable in some areas than men. There is inequality in these departments. In this case, submitting to the one who is most capable is necessary.
Now, you may be thinking, “Does this mean that men should submit to women when we are the more capable one?” Yes, and they do—we just don’t call it submission because it’s a man. It’s just one of those double standards in our culture. When a man allows his wife to take over a task, project, or responsibility that she is proficient in, no one says he’s submitting to his wife. Delegating tasks to others who are more capable is a part of leadership. So, when a man allows his wife to take over a task, we don’t call it submission. We just perceive it as a form of leadership when a man allows a capable woman to take on the task. Keep this idea in mind, because when we are submitting to our husband, we are doing the same thing they are. We, too, are outsourcing a responsibility to someone who is more capable. That is a form of leadership. While men are typically perceived as leaders when they outsource responsibilities to us, we are viewed as submitters when we outsource responsibilities to them. But our submission holds the same power that their leadership holds, because the two are the same thing—it’s just performed from different angles.
You can’t lose your power through submission when you are aware that your husband is more capable of something than you are, therefore you give him the space to take over that department. This is something you are doing by choice, and ultimately, out of wisdom. The whole concept of gender equality sounds good and harmless until one gender tries to match the other, despite not having the skill, knowledge, or endurance as the other. Then it creates a situation where you are doing what the other is doing, but you are not getting the same results as they are. Through submission, women are able to get optimum results. Instead of trying to take on everything themselves, they see the strengths in their husband, and utilize his strengths for the greater good of the marriage or family.

Shanelle Shalom is a Feminine Mastery Coach who teaches women how to stand in their divine feminine power. She is also the author of several life-changing books, including “The Art of Submission: Keys to a Harmonious Marriage,” which is available on Amazon.